Myphis - " Welcome to another edition of Saturday Haymaker !!!!!!! "

We have a few matches today, as for the interview section, we have none other then Brandon Hex, the madman from strangevil ! "

So, I know you want it, so I won't delay it further, let's go to the arena for a match.

Cheryl - " The following match is the standard for SXW non title matches and will have a 15 minute time limit. "

Smoke fills the entrance way, and green lasers criss cross as the opening strains of E.L.O.'s ' Fire on High ' play. Through the smoke and fog walks The Masked Ronin. He slowly and confidently walks to the ring, with no sign of emotion on his face. The Masked Ronin climbs through the ropes and stares into the camera lens.

Cheryl - " Now in the ring from Kobe, Japan he is the honorable ..... THE MASKED RONIN !!!!!! "

Cheryl - " ... and his opponent ...... "

Green Pyro goes off as he hits the ring and he does a little dancing before he rips of the shirt and props himself in the corner

Cheryl - " Now making his way to the ring standing at 6 feet and weighing in at 200 pounds even ...... he is .........
' THE IRISH ICON' PJ McHUGH !!!!!!!!! "

* * * The Bell Rings * * *

The match started even enough. The Masked Ronin scored a Fireman's Carry into a Cradle, but ' The Irish Icon ' PJ McHugh was able to break out and then PJ McHugh locked on a Inverted Ankle Lock, but quick enough The Masked Ronin got hold of the ropes.

After another ferried melee, ' The Irish Icon ' PJ McHugh nailed a powerful Belly to Back Powerbomb and appeared to have the match won, but The Masked Ronin got his shoulder up at the last second.

Once again they locked up and finally The Masked Ronin came through with a Cradle Brainbuster Suplex(Fisherman Buster), but failed to get a full three, but soon after The Masked Ronin scored a Belly to Back Suplex then a Tilt-a-Whirl Gutbuster and finally a Springboard Moonsault Body Press(Asai Moonsault) and cover ' The Irish Icon ' PJ McHugh for a full three count to win the match.

* * * The Bell Rings * * *
( 4:48 minutes )

Myphis - " Well, today we have a special guest, he has been involved in a heated feud with newcomer Aaron Jennings .... tonight's guest is ..... BRANDON HEX !!!! "

( the camera pans over to show Hex seated next to Myphis, smiling. )

Myphis - " Well, Brandon, how are things ? "

Hex - " Not the greatest, this punk A-Train has put me on a serious loosing streak, but things are looking up ! "

Myphis - " Yeah, I know what you mean, damn upstarts, so how is the zombie business treating you ? "

Hex - " Well, Aaron tore Executioner to pieces, but after last Friday the 13th's show, I came across the special guest referee's remains, none other then Jason Vorhese, so I been working on him . "

Myphis - " Speaking of allies, rumor has it you've tried to hook up with both Cyric & Jake King, but both lifted a nose too you, what's up with that ?! "

Hex - " Well, Cyric never exactly got back too me nor did Jake King, both of them punks thinks they are too good for me, but someday I'll show them both that their idiots ! "

Myphis - " Wow, you like talking smack to the big dogs, is there anybody in SXW that you really hate ? "

Hex - " A-Train, Brimstone, GraDee and his bitch Tagliani, Omega, Beast, Gomez, Kamikaze, that dip shit Priest and those two losers The Masked Ronin and PJ McHugh, Jake King, SOD, you ! "

Myphis - " OK then, well anybody in SXW that you like ?! "

Hex - " Shain Nelles ain't bad, Hardkore Kid was pretty cool, that's about it ! "

Myphis - " Well this Sunday you have another chance for gold this weekend in a four corners match for the Rumble title, any other belts you want to get your hands on in SXW currently ! "

Hex - " Well as I said last week I was suppose to be Rumble champion by now and then also X-Treme champion, but that wussie GraDee was too chicken to defend it five times in one night, imagine that ?! "

Myphis - " So can you tell us about your start, how did you get this way, and I have seen you ponder over this before, how is it that you can regenerate, ever lost a limb and had it grow back ? "

Hex - " Yeah, I tested it out by cutting off fingers and toes, they all grew back, but nothing extra, still have 5 on each, as for how it all happened, well you know of back yard wrestling, I used to fuck around doing that, but I was like Foley, no height was too high, not stunt to big, one day while I was alone, I set up the tripod and did a leap that was to steep and too big, broke my neck. "

Hex - " All I remember after that was waking up in my coffin and 6 feet under, but I was not suffocating, finally after like 2 weeks I got out, right through the coffin wood and all that dirt, full moon when I got out, I just sat and looked at it until morning, when I scared the shit out of some war widow and I took off unto the sewers . "

Myphis - " Wow, tough break kid . " ( Lucas is such a smart ass )

Myphis - " Well Hex, it's been real, if you could tell you fans one thing before this segment ends, what would it be ? "

Hex - " Fuck off and die already, please ! "

(Shot becomes blurry, and shows the SXW logo, and cuts to the SXW arena)

Cheryl - " The following match is an exclusive SXW Crucifix pin win only match and has a 15 minute time limit ! "

A Church Bell rings as Father Brown slowly walks to the ring, he carries a cross on a pole and a urn filed with holy water, he blesses the crowd.

Cheryl - " Now making his way to the ring, he is Father Brown, the ........ PRIEST !!!!!!! "

Cheryl - " .... and his opponent .... "

' Eve of Destruction ' by Tears for Fears begins to play as the lights go out and the music starts. A huge letter Omega appears on the X-Tremetron and lightning strikes each ring post. The lights come back on ... as Omega is walking to the ring !

Cheryl - " Now in the ring, making history as the 1st ever and 2 time reigning SXW One World Champion ...
... he is ...... OMEGA !!!!!! "
( huge fan pop )

* * * The Bell Rings * * *

Well talk about mis-match. Even after Priest said he no longer thought Omega guilty of slaying his friend, they agreed to fight it out just the same. Omega nailed his Omega Destroyer- Gorilla Press Slam, then chokeslam opponent while in mid air, with in the first 60 seconds.

Omega worked into a Standing Crucifix, but Priest was able to counter quickly. Priest was like fire for a few seconds, scoring a Flying Crucifix Cradle but Omega broke instantly, then Priest worked a Reverse Crucifix Bulldog but again Omega got right out.

Priest finally scored his Divine Intervention- Standing Crucifix Cradle, this almost did Omega in but he broke out before a three count. Omega then leveled Priest with one mighty Clothesline, then Omega used the Standing Crucifix Cradle. and to his chagrin, won the match like that.

* * * The Bell Rings * * *
( 4:01 minutes )

Myphis - " Well, what can I say, a typical week in SXW, all hell broke loose, even after the threat of the Blood Son's Cult was no longer present, other smaller troubles sprung up everywhere. ! "

A full moon set on X-Treme Island this turmoil, quicker battles included Over Fiend crushing PJ McHugh, The English Beast tore into The Masked Ronin. Jake King defended his hotline title against Jemma Cooper, but during this match, the old Raging Bull symbol appeared on the X-Treme-Tron and the lights went out.

Once they returned Bull was topless and had horns spray painted on her titties, and Christina was gone. Well not only was that weird, but Whacko turned Bad Bonz into a werewolf, which exposed Whacko's secret, now we have two werewolves in SXW, lord only knows when they will pop up next ?

This was al before the 2nd round of SHW tournament matches, where Syrinx managed to defeat Cyric, but he left with an actual piece of this crazy dark matter entity, as we all say on Fury, Syrinx is a freak of nature. Well at least, and I cannot believe I am saying this but, Brimstone won, against Voivod, so at least one alien did not make it to the title, but unfortunately, one was enough.

Anywise, Before Omega & RTG finished the tournament's second round and a One World title match, GraDee took on Gomez, well, the blind fool was pulled out by his insane tag team partner, are these guys really SXW World Tag Team Champs ?! Well Kamikaze as his insane alter ego Goku stepped in and got his ass kicked once he started to rely on non existing powers, GraDee kept his title. Finally Omega got to take on the little guy who got bigger and was sick of the bull Omega's shit, but not angry enough cause Omega still showed him what time it was, until that henchman for hire Over Fiend got involved, Omega had already won, but Over Fiend just wanted to fight, didn't this psycho just offered Omega an alliance, let me tell you Omega, this guy does half the job and then blames you for his screw ups, don't bother !

We kicked into Fury with Again, Over Fiend, only this time both contenders did not leave the ring alive, Fiend broke Gigolo George's neck and his bitches I think, cause Over Fiend walked off with all three of them and not one drop of Gigolo;s blood on his hands.

Shain Nelles is skilled, he took down Priest easy enough. CoolmanP did the same to this so called Real Raging Bull and no Original Bull signs like there was on Turmoil and no Christina either. Well next was Tagliani versus The Masked Ronin, nice clean match and Tagliani won, but the and some people blame me for this, but I had nothing to do with this one, I swear to god, anywise, Over Fiend comes down, beats the hell out of both jobbers, then exits and goes right after Bulldog, thus I am filling in for him tonight, late edition :), and fighting him at the PPV in London, Bulldog can kiss my ass, he will be easy pickings ! "

So then Hex and A-Train fought again, really just them cause A-Train tore Executioner into pieces. A-train scored the win and the ring was ropeless the entire time do to the match before that, in which Syrinx was taking on Mangler & Loci, but a tear in the human shell, I guess of this alien's exoskeleton or whatever was ruptured and the tear acted like a vacuum, I should know, I had to hold onto a few innocent fans, but Phillip Doober and Loci where not so lucky, the got sucked in, but on the way, Loci did something to cause Syrinx to implode inwards on itself, but hat was still not enough to halt this creature, Mangler won the match, but Syrinx did make it's return later that night.

Another triple threat match later and Beast, the Crusher was taking on two giant luggs of human flesh, the ring fell apart, Crusher used parts of it to help him win the match, then choke slammed a 400 pounded up onto the ring and dead center for his match winning pin, Crusher, I may not like him but I do like his abilities.

Well so a I said Syrinx made it's return, like three things I hate most all in the ring at the same time, I wish I had a bomb like Crusher did last month, anywise with Syrinx back in it so was the Psyblade, this allowed Syrinx to pin Omega, but nothing could stop Brimstone, not even Over Fiend, after announcers tables where trashed it came down to Voivod run-in that scored his partner and this freak of nature a title in SXW, Syrinx finished the week failing the humans and taking our gold !

So as you see, things where not focuses around one group or one instance or threat, pretty chaotic none the less, pretty SXW, lets hope this huge PPV lives up to the same as all PPV's and it's record attendance gets us all a raise, that's the week in SXW up till now !

Cheryl - " The following match is a hard-core, no rules or DQ, Battle Royal for one pinfall, and this match is for the SXW Hard-core Championship title belt, with a 25 minute time limit ! "
Referee Luke Cage

' Bodies ' by Danzig plays as Cyric is seen making his way to the ring, red lights and smoke spreads through the arena, then 4 bolts of lighting strike the turn buckles as Cyric steps onto the ring apron .

Cheryl - " Now making his way into the ring, from places unknown .... he is .... CYRIC !!!!! "

Cyric wears his chest plate and has no weapons.'My Name Is' starts playing and the Raging Bull is lowered from the X-Tremetron, with Christina is his arms, they then make way to the ring.

Cheryl - " Now making his way to the ring along with Christina his manager ... he is ... RAGING BULL ! "

Raging Bull had an old wooden chair with him, he also has some lighter fluid, hmmmm, ' More Human Than Human ' blares over the speakers as flames erupt around the entrance and down the ramp. Beast thunders towards the ring, growling and gnashing his teeth. Climbing to the apron, he begins to howl and shake the ring ropes violently.

Cheryl - " Now making his way to the ring, he weighs in at 480 pounds ..... he is ....... BEAST !!!!!! "

Beast carries 'Smash & Bash' painted chair his trademark chair, and has a leather strap set like a lasso and tightened around his shoulder and chest, so only he can get at it when the time is right.' Iced Earth ' by Century begins to play as the beastly looking Slayer Red makes his way to the ring, eyes forward !

Cheryl - " Ladies and Gentlemen, coming down the aisle, weighing in at 480lbs, demons beware ... he is ... SLAYER RED!!!!!!! "

And finally, 'Symphony of Destruction' by Megadeath begins to play ... as Lugg-Nutt comes out from behind the curtain, and Pyro's explode, once the smoke cloud appears, Lugg-Nutt charges out of it and to the ring !

Tyler - " Now making his way to the ring, he is one half of the Regulators tag team and weighs in at 301 pounds .... he is .... LUGG NUTT !!!!!! "

Lugg Nutt is not alone however, he has his two weapons, aka: Loci & Cheyenne, there are now seven stars around or in the ring, when ......
" Master of Puppets " redone by Pantera plays through out the arena as Lucas Myphis walks out to the top of the entrance ramp, he address the fans and the contestants in the ring!

Lucas - " OK people, this match was set to be a one fall Hard-core battle royal. but I don;t think these 20000 screaming fans care to have this match end with one pinfall, I think they want a good old fashion over the top rope or elimination style match, what do you all think ?! "

The fans roar, the arena rumbles, the answer is obvious !

Lucas - " OK gentlemen, as of now, this match is a elimination style battle royal, that means for there to be a winner, 4 other men in that ring must be tossed out over the top rope and part of their body touches the floor, the last man in the ring who was not eliminated wins ! "

Lucas - " Also it is customary to not credit a wrestler with a loss when they do not win a battle royal or royal rumble, but in this case, with just 5 of you, I think that rule along with the rest, simply will not fly in this match, so if your not the SXW Hard-core Champion at the end of the night, look to see a loss where normally a other would go ! "

Lucas - " So just do it already ! "
*** The Bell Rings ***

Raging Bull lights his chair on fire, Beast is sizing up the opposition, Slayer Red goes right after Cyric, they lock up and pummel into a corner, Lugg Nutt & the SoD: Loci & Cheyenne all flood the ring and they gang up on Raging Bull.

Raging Bull swings his flaming chair at Loci, who gets hit in the chest, flames spit out from the point of impact, Loci nails Bull with a throat chop, Cheyenne lands a low blow, then Lugg Nutt whacks his Kendo stick over the head of Raging Bull, then using the Kendo stick in delivering a Russian leg sweep to Bull knocking him down, then Loci grabs the flaming chair and beaks it over Bull's head, his hair is fried as Lugg Nutt rolls him over for a pin, while Loci & Cheyenne stand guard.

referee - " 1...."
Slayer Red & Cyric don't notice.
referee - " ..2.."
Beast had been watching and then acts, whaling Loci upside the head with his painted chair, then Beast lightly tosses the chair into the air, right in front of him, then hits the chair with his hand.
referee - " ..3..."
The force sends the chair flying at Cheyenne, who catches a corner on her forehead splitting her wide open.

Raging Bull has been eliminated, Beast tosses Loci outside the ring with a clothesline over the top rope, Cheyenne is woozy and must exit the ring, Lugg Nutt stands up and starts getting huge fists in his face, then into bear hug, meanwhile Cyric and Slayer Red have split up and each nails a power move, Cyric with a stretch slam (pumphandle) and Slayer hits Cyric with a belly to back suplex.

Beast still has Lugg Nutt in he bear hug, until Loci and Cheyenne are back in the ring and both hit him from behind with drop kicks, the hold is broken and Lugg Nutt drives Beast into the mat with a Napalm- swinging DDT off the turn buckle, they then try to pick the big man up, and it is not easy.

Slayer Red and Cyric are still in their melee it is intense, but just when Slayer Red scores a single arm DDT, he goes off the second rope for a leg drop on Cyric, when a Voivod portal opens between the two of them, and another one opens horizontally outside the ring, Slayer Red cannot avoid falling into the one portal and the second portal drops him outside of the ring, the portal go away and referee's eliminate Slayer Red.

Slayer Red has been eliminated, Cyric is a bit shocked but free to act, as he goes over to the Soldiers of Darkness, who are ganging up on Beast, Cyric grabs Cheyenne with one hand and choke slams her out of the ring, Loci turns to Cyric and they start to fist fight.

Beast has just Lugg Nutt stomping him and with an arm sweep Lugg Nutt is tripped off of his feet, Beast stands up and looses the leather strap that is around his shoulder and chest, he then takes it off and lets out about 3 feet of slack, then starts to whip Lugg Nutt.

Cyric and Loci are pummeling, but finally Cyric nails his Inferno's Snare- Belly to Back Hammerlock Suplex, then goes across the ring and back at Loci, just as he is standing up he takes a clothesline from hell, but Loci holds on and as he goes over the top rope, he drags Cyric along with him and they both get eliminated from touching the floor, they stand right up and start to fist fight again.

Slayer Red is still at ring side, he is calm for having been eliminated and he only watches as Loci & Cyric fight and Lugg and Beast fight in the ring, Cheyenne sneaks into the ring behind Beast, who is whipping Lugg Nutt with the strap, but after the 5th lash, Lugg Nutt catches the strap, and starts to tug-a-war with Beast, which is totally a lost cause, but then Cheyenne leaps off the turn buckle and onto the shoulder of Beast, he struggles for a bit, the strap is dropped on his side, Lugg Nutt pulls the strap away from Beast.

Loci & Cyric still fight outside the ring, Cheyenne is punching Beast in his head while on his shoulders, he simply flings himself forwards and Cheyenne face plants to the mat, Lugg Nutt screams in rage as he whips the strap around Beast's neck then starts to choke him.

Cheyenne rolls out of the ring, Cyric & Loci have now fought into the crowd, two wooden chairs lay in the ring and Lugg Nutt is behind Beast, using a leather strap to choke him, Beast starts to reach for his "Painted Chair" and finally gets hold of one leg, his eyes bulge from the sockets as Lugg Nutt strengthens the strap choke.

Beast gets the chair and swings it like a club, behind his own head in hopes to smash Lugg, which it does, right in the face, the chair shatters into dozens of pieces as Lugg Nutt falls backwards unconscious, Beast looses then strap on his throat and then heave-hoes Lugg Nutt out of the ring and on top of Cheyenne, they both collapse to the ground.
*** The Bell Rings ***

The fans are going crazy, Loci & Cyric still fight in their midst's, Lugg & Cheyenne are down and Slayer Red finally walks to the back as the referee grabs the SXW Hard-core Championship title belt.

Cheryl - " Your winner via final elimination, and your first ever,
SXW Hard-core Champion ..... he is ..... BEAST THE CRUSHER !!!! "

( 10:46 minutes )
Beast is huge standing in the ring, strap around his throat, wood chips in his beard, blood in his nose and above his right eye, confetti falls throughout the arena from the ceiling as he celebrate his title win, fans cheer, red lasers shine on Beast .. then a Voivod portal opens from above Beast who is holding his title in the air, and one arm reaches down and snags the belt from his hand, the portal closes and Beast is pissed off ....he yells

Beast - " You son of a bitch ! "

Myphis - " That was truly a blast from the past, nearly 3 months ago ! "

For this PPV we have lots of matches, starting with myself versus Bulldog, if he can walk, hope he can cause I am going to kick his ass.
Hands Down - Lucas Myphis winner

Well next is kinda tough, both Mangler & Over Fiend are red hot, but the DeMinion Bros. are just so big and nasty, since they have SOD support even if that is now without Loci.
No doubt - DeMinion Bros. win this one.

So next will be CoolmanP versus his former tag team partner now seems to be confused arch rival, Ramirez, the Giant, well CoolmanP ain't no Omega and RTG is now something even I cannot predict.
Easy call - Ramirez, the Giant stomps his little buddy.

Then Jake King who still has our main event for tonight, but in the UK he faces Kamikaze, even if he is Goku, this is tough to call now, cause hands down I would say Kamikaze, but the new twist makes me think King will get the win.
Upset win - for Jake King, he's not due, but Kamikaze is Goku so.

This leads into a four corner elimination match, with arch rival's A-Train & Hex mixed up with The Irish Icon and newly blooded werewolf Bad Bonz, now I am confused, does this mean he is a vamp-wolf or just a werewolf now or what ?! Either way I see Whacko playing some role in this match.
With help - Bad Bonz, wolf-vamp brother of frankenstein wins the Rumble title.

So then Omega is going to go toe to toe with two, count them two aliens, one is a title holder and freak of nature, the other is a purple hided monster, you do the math.
Out numbered 2 to 1 - The Dominion take this battle with fatalities on the enemies side.

Lugg-Nutt defends his submission title against Shain Nelles, who first wore this title months ago, but still Lugg-Nutt is now one of those lost psycho soldiers since Loci is not around.
SOD - Simply proves that he is not a grunt without a leader, Lugg-Nutt.

Well Crusher, the Beast takes on Cyric who has been shady at best these last few weeks and do to their last encounter, I think Crusher may even put Cyric back on the self.
Remains Hard-core Champ - Crusher does another number on Cyric.

GraDee vs. TEB, Mark Harrison, well GraDee is pretty amazing, even Hex seemed to hesitate to say he hated the guy, but TEB will be on his home turf so that always makes a difference.
TEB attains X-Treme Gold - GraDee is left in the cold.

World Tag Team title, this is Soldiers elite, the Regulators taking on a confused and handicapped mis-match, Goku and who ever Krilan or Gomez, either way it won;t really matter cause the Reg's will stomp these misfits into the mats and claim there rightful gold.
Regulators - regulate the Hyper Misfits

Omega vs. Brimstone, hmmp, whodah thunk it ? Well, these two go at it again, now I think Brimstone is like one up on Omega in there matches against each other, and with Brimstone in his psycho state and that telepath Ayo in his corner, the big guy might just do it, but nobody can deny Omega is what champs are made of, this one truly is ...
Too Close To Call !

MAIN EVENT

JAKE KING vs. WHACKO Standard Title Match SXW Newblood Championship Title Belt

Cheryl - " The following match is the standard for SXW title matches, this match will be for the SXW Newblood Championship and have a 20 minute time limit ! "

' Crazy World ' by Aslan begins to play as the light dim and Whacko enters the arena with his razor wire entwined baseball bat, he lurks his way to the ring after fans barely avoid getting slashed and bashed by his bat.

Cheryl - " Now in the ring, escaping from hell he is here to walk the earth once again ..
.... and gain revenge ... he is ... WHACKO !!!!! "

Cheryl - " .... and his opponent .... he is the current SXW Newblood Champion .... "

' Of Thunder ' by Kiss begins to plays and out walks the New Evil, Jake King , he makes way down the entrance ramp .

Cheryl - " Now making his way to the ring .... he is ...... JAKE KING !!!!!!!! "

* * * The Bell Rings * * *

The match was hot from start to finish, but remember Jake King had not drain much life energy up to this match, he was able to avoid several monstrous Double Ax Handle Smashes and even hooked a Scorpion Deathlock Leg Lock (Sharpshooter) but Whacko the werewolf was too powerful and busted right out.

Jake King then scored a Double Leg Tackle Takedown(Spear) and a Swinging DDT but this could not keep Whacko down. King then hit a Knee to the Face and then a Flying Clothesline , but once he laid into Whacko, nothing was moving him.s

Whacko then dominated much of the second half, His Double Leg Tackle Takedown(Spear) took King into the corner and then King took a nasty Clothesline taking himself & opponent out of the ring.

Outside the ring, Whacko used chairs and ring stairs to his advantage, finally chucking Jake King right over the crowd barrier. Whacko then punched King back into the ring where King dug down deep an hooked his Basilisk's Stare- Reverse Rack Samoan Drop.

But somehow during the pin, Whacko get his shoulder up. Once back too his feet Whacko with stood several punches and even Low Blows. Finally the hard-core, werewolf scored a Sidewalk Slam and then to fans surprise a technical move, the Spinning Back to Back Neck Breaker and made the cover, scoring himself the three count and SXW Newblood Championship Title !

* * * The Bell Rings * * *

All the contenders are finally in the ring, the announcers exit for fear of bodily harm. The seven super star wrestlers stare each other down in the ring as ...

* * * The Bell Rings * * *


All 7 men start circling each other.Omega is puffing away at a cigar, while Brimstone is downing his special Beer.

Lugg-Nutt looks kinda worried surrounded by people that most likely want to kill him.

GraDee is the first to do anything, as he attacks Beast, but it's like a kid running into an 18 wheeler, as Beast easily picks GraDee up, and gorilla press slams him to the outside of the ring.

Brimstone and Omega lounge in a corner laughing, Omega gives Brimstone a cigar, and Brimstone gives Omega a beer, and the 2 of them start a chugging contest.

Kamikaze and Gomez stare at them in almost utter disbelief, before attacking Lugg.

Lugg tries to fight them off with his trusty Kendo stick.Kamikaze fakes to the right, and Lugg turns towards him, big mistake, because from the other side Gomez comes attacking, jumping to the ropes,and flinging off with a flying drop-kick.

Omega and Brimstone whince, and a loud ouch can be heard from them.

Hyper Sonic picks up Lugg, and whips him towards Beast, who lands a big boot, which sends Lugg flying to the outside of the ring.

Omega and Brimstone continue to laugh

Brimstone downs his sixth beer and walks calmly over to GraDee. He grabs him by the neck and throws him outside. Typically, GraDee gets right back up and just grins - he is having fun. Brimstone goes and gets another beer from his corner. Lugg Nutt is fighting with Hyper Sonic, and is slowly getting beaten down.

Omega hasn't moved yet but is having lots of fun watching the other guys get beaten up. He leans over to Brimstone and whispers something in his ear. Brimstone nods and the two rush forward.

Hyper Sonic gets out of the way just in time and Lugg Nutt gets double clotheslined and he spins round twice in the air before crashing to the mat. Gomez raises an eyebrow, then leaps forward to take on Beast. GraDee starts focusing on Kamikaze...


Just then some geek named Mikee B is seen, streaking the fans as they watch the battle royal.

Suddenly bare and buck naked Mikee B stops in his tracks, looks back and says ..

Mikee B - " Hurry up doood ! "

... Just the Bad Andy is seen as he starts to run towards Mikee B, naked with just a small towel covering his private part, Andy runs quickly passed Mikee B and is almost out of the arena.

Bad Andy - " Ehwwww, ewhhhahh ! "

... Mikee B catches up to Bad Andy and they two are gone as quickly as they came :P


After the very, very disturbing scene, the wrestlers restart the action.

Omega and Brimstone start crushing their cans, and fling them at Lugg-Nutt, they both laugh heartily.

GraDee takes a chair, and Brimstone leans over to Omega, and whispers something in his ear.They laugh again, and yell something at Lugg, he turns to the left, and gets drilled by a chair shot from GraDee.

Brim and Omega laugh their asses off, as Lugg stands there dazed from the chair shot.

Hyper Sonic is busy flipping around, they form a circle around Beast, and starts flipping around him very fast.

Beast is getting dizzy looking at this spectacle, and eventually falls backwards out of the ring, Hyper Sonic high five each other, and Omega and Brimstone are lying on the mat laughing.

Hyper Sonic laughs too, and start doing jumping jacks when.......

A small figure emerges form the back, wearing a black robe, he walks down to the ring, and everyone wonders what the hell is going on, the character gets into the ring, and pulls the hood back to reveal........BEETLEJUICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beetlejuice opens a can of whoopass, smashing a guitar over Omega's head, sending him outside, next, he simply pushes the semi-drunk brimstone out of the ring, before ducking a double drop-kick by Hyper Sonic.

During the double drop-kick, Beetlejuice pulls down the ropes, and Gomez and Kamikaze spill to the outside, Beetlejuice laughs like a little kid, and runs out of the ring, clapping his hands as he goes.

The wrestlers are on the outside all wondering what the hell just happened, when suddenly, Bad Andy comes streaking through the arena again, Omega shakes his head, and says

Omega - " Damn, naked guys, and that little beetlejuice just kicked our ass, what's next,??????????? "

As everyone else is climbing back into the ring Omega reaches underneath and pulls out one of those reclining lawn chairs. He sets it up in a corner (next to the ropes, not across them). He then goes back under the ring.

Meanwhile, Hyper Sonic are taking turns hitting Lugg Nutt with drop-kicks. Gradee is looking back and forth from Beast to Brimstone, not really wanting to go after either one. Beast turns toward Brimstone and Gradee tries to nail him with a flying cross body block, but it gets reversed into a powerslam.

Gradee rolls out of the ring in pain as Lugg Nutt catches both Kamikaze and Gomez when they try a double superkick. The double enzeguri kick that follows knocks him clear over the top rope, but he's hanging on to the rope and standing on the ring apron. Gomez and Kamikaze look at each other, then hit a double flying cross body tackle on Lugg Nutt that sends all three men to the floor.

While all this was happening Omega has set up a TV tray next to the lawn chair, attached a beach umbrella to the turnbuckle, and set up a boom box on the TV tray. He's now laying in the lawn chair drinking a beer and listening to the baseball playoffs. Gomez and Kamikaze are back in the ring, and they both stare at Omega like he was nuts. Brimstone sets up his own chair next to Omega and they start betting on the ball game. Meanwhile, Lugg Nutt has slipped in behind Gradee and nails him with a chair, then hits Beast with it. Gomez and Kamikaze are catching their breath as a three way fight breaks out between Lugg Nutt, Beast, and Gradee.

Beast lifts GraDee up and press slams him into Lugg Nutt. Lugg Nutt catches GraDee and nails him with a mean backbreaker. GraDee rolls to the outside.

Kamikaze and Gomez grab Lugg Nutt from behind and toss him into the ropes. Hyper Sonic nail a double flying drop kick that sends Lugg rolling to the outside. Hyper Sonic then climbs the ropes and fly outside, landing on top of Lugg Nutt.

This leaves Beast, Brimstone, and Omega in the ring. Beast grins and walks over to where Omega is sitting, kicking over the TV tray and tossing the radio out of the ring. Omega gets up and smirks.

Beast walks back to the middle of the ring. Beast grins and shrugs as he give the universal 'bring it on' sign to Brimstone and Omega. Finally Brimstone, Omega, and Beast begin to fight......

Outside the ring Lugg Nutt has a chair and is going after Hyper Sonic. Gomez and Kamikaze spread out, and whenever Lugg Nutt turns toward one the other kicks him from behind. Finally Lugg Nutt raises the chair over his shoulders to nail Gomez, but Kamikaze drop-kicks it into his back and Gomez drops him into the safety rail with a leg scissors takedown.

Back in the ring Omega is pounding on Beast in a corner. Gradee has climbed a turnbuckle and hits Brimstone from behind with a double ax handle, then whips him into the ropes. Beast shoves Omega back as Brimstone is bouncing off the ropes and Brimstone plows into him. Omega and Brimstone start fighting while Beast leans against the turnbuckle to recover. Gradee grabs Omega's boom box and jumps over the ropes, nailing Lugg Nutt in the head with it as he gets up. Hyper Sonic come off the ring apron, Kamikaze nailing Lugg Nutt with a leg drop as Gomez hits Gradee with a senton bomb.
All four men are down outside the ring.

Inside the ring, Beast breaks a table over both Brimstone and Omega and tries to roll them out. They reverse it and send Beast out to the floor, where he lands on the pile of Gradee, Lugg Nutt, and Hyper Sonic. Brimstone looks toward Omega and grins, then they both come off the ropes with a double suicide dive onto the pile! Lugg Nutt is on the bottom, under about half a ton of wrestlers. Gradee is trying to get out from under Omega, and Hyper Sonic were both squashed by Brimstone.

After the suicide dives, Brimstone looks sadly at the completely crushed cans of beer that were where the pile-up started. He looks under the ring and takes out an actual sign that says 'Bring it on' and shows it to Beast. Beast grins and Brimstone gets back into the ring and holds the sign up. The streaker guy runs back into the ring and jumps around. Brimstone takes a step toward him and Mikee leaps 7 feet into the air over the ropes :P and back into the crowd. Omega has been away finding more cigars,Beast is kicking ass in the pile up, GraDee seems to have disappeared, but then comes out form under the ring, thinking he's coming back into the pileup but doesn't, so he goes back under...

All wrestlers are in the ring, some pant heavily, others like Omega are just kinda chillen, when suddenly..The lights go out, and an attempt at an evil laugh is heard, a squeaky voice that can only belong to some little kid squeaks through the arena

Voice:I may have gotten own3d, but it's my time now.

A small little boy comes running out to the ring as the lights return, he has Bon Jovi CDs in his hand, and start flinging them at the wrestlers, the camera finally picks up his face, and it is revealed to be........THAT DAMN FAN-BOY HIPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hippy gets into the ring, and is still flinging around CD's, but they quickly run out, and he gets an "oh
shit what have I done" look on his face, as all the wrestlers start kicking the crap out of the little
fan-boy, it ends with Omega using his Total Devastation finisher to finish him off.

EMT's come down, but instead of checking on the obviously injured Hippy, they check to see if all the wrestlers are OK.

Many of them fake mock injuries, and finally, the EMT's leave, halfway up the ramp, they realize that they forgot Hippy, they look at him, shrug, and leave


Everyone kinda collides in the ring, and one of those fights like in cartoons, where u can't see anything except the odd leg or arm starts. After a while Brimstone pulls himself out and sees Hippy still tied to his stretcher outside the ring. Brim steps over the top rope and jumps down. He picks up the stretcher (with Hippy still on it) and gets back into the ring. The stretcher proves a very good weapon as Brimstone starts kicking ass. Hippy is thrown into the crowd someone and it lands on someone who's gone to get a drink...LUCAS! Some guy on a scooter comes down to the ring, it seems Omega has ordered a pizza. The fight eventually clears, with Omega and Beast standing. Omega sees his pizza and gives a 'be right back' sign to Beast. He goes down and pays the guy, then sits in his corner again and eats his snack. GraDee is under the ring again. So is Lugg-Nutt, but at least GraDee went in voluntarily. Kamikaze and Gomez look like they're trying to outwit one another and end up with a double crossbody, each go down...


Just then Lucas Myphis is now on the ring apron with a steel folding chair in hand, he sneaks up behind Beast, the Crusher & Omega then nails Crusher in the back of the head with the chair and it sends him to the ropes.

Lucas then whines up and cranks the chair into Omega's face as he turned around, this also knocked him into the ropes, Lucas quickly held the chair in mild battering ram formation and charged at Beast & Omega, but they both came too and reached out grabbing the chair, using their awesome strength and lifting it up in the air, effectively chucking Lucas high up, over them and right out of the ring.

Unfortunately Brimstone was looking at the action and Choke Slam style caught Lucas before he landed on the ground and then Brimstone scored it by slamming Lucas through a table.

Lucas is down and well and truly out. Brimstone looks inside Lucas's pocket and takes out his wallet! Brimstone throws it high into the crowd and a massive scramble to get the wallet is on! Brimstone goes to the back for a few minutes. Meanwhile, Beast is in a fist fight with Omega, who has now finished his pizza, GraDee is fighting Gomez and Kamikaze is taking on Lugg Nutt. Brimstone comes back with a table, a VCR and a TV! He gets back into his corner and puts the X-Men film on! Omega wanders over, as does Beast, and the three forget all about the rumble. Eventually, everyone but Lugg Nutt is watching the film. Lugg starts screaming that this is a fight not a movie showing. Beast wanders over, tells him to shut the hell up and tosses him over the top rope.

GraDee goes outside the ring taking a quick breather. He decides to grab the ring bell and then get back inside. Beast has his back to GraDee, he swings the ring bell at his head, he hits his target but it makes almost no effect on Beast until a drop-kick from Gomez meant for Kamikaze his Beast square in the jaw and rocks the big man making him stumble back and over the rope, he's dazed a he lies on the ground outside.

The others are still looking at the video and GraDee joins them while Kamikaze and Gomez try to put each other over the top. They are too noisy for Omega so he gives them a quick push and knocks them over the top to the floor.

Lugg Nutt is still annoyed at everyone though and decdies to stick his foot through the TV. The others are upset and the other 3 pound him until he's thrown out of the ring. He then runs cowering to the back.

Omega and GraDee now set sights on each other exchanging blows as Brimstone sobs in the corner -
"Only 2 more payments and it was mine!"


Brimstone stops sobbing, and gets a crazed look in his eye, and he starts beating the hell out of everyone in the ring, Omega even retreats.The entire time, Brimstone is screaming something about his nice TV, and how the SOB's destroyed it.

Gomez gets up outside the ring, and looks under it, he finds something, and pulls it out, he takes the VCR, and plugs it in, he takes the cover off the object to reveal a TV, he quickly turns it on.

As soon as it springs to life, Brimstone stops, he is holding GraDee in the air in an attempted chokeslam.He sees the TV working, and walks over, still holding GraDee up in the chokehold.

An exciting fight scene is happening, and Brimstone is very into it, slamming GraDee onto the mat repeatedly in joyous excitement.

GraDee rolls out of the ring holding his head, and Brimstone yells to everyone else

Come my friends, let us bask in TV's warm glow

Some wrestlers walk over, but Gomez and Kamikaze continue fighting, each move is reversed by the other one.

Omega watches their spectacle for a while, gets annoyed, and walks over to the TV, Hyper Sonic continues their amazing show of speed

Oh no, now it's your turn to go!!!

That's not just wild, that's just not crazy, that's....GOMEZ!!!

Ramirez, the Giant is then seen running out with a chair. The action continues in the ring, and someone sends Omega right to Ramirez, who is standing outside of the ring. Ramirez swings the chair. It hits Omega in the back of the head, and he turns around. He realizes he might as well kick RTG's ass right now, so he gets out


Ramirez swings the chair again, and this time it makes a cracking sound on the skull of Omega. Omega doesn't fall down, so Ramirez does the Factor Slam. Omega stays down this time, and Ramirez starts swinging away with his chair. He finally breaks it over Omega's back after about the fiftieth swing. All wrestlers stop wrestling when they hear the snap, and they turn around.


They all sorta look shocked, and when Ramirez brings Omega back up, they all open their mouths. Omega is at least 2 inches shorter than Ramirez now, and Ramirez starts growing. He grows 2 inches, so that he stands at 7'7", and at this point, he stops the second Factor Slam in mid-air. Omega goes down the rest of the way, but Ramirez lands on his feet. He starts yelling, and it isn't bad yelling, it is joyful .


He then realizes he isn't done with Omega, and bends over and says, " Now who's better huh? Now who's taller? " He then goes fishing under the apron. He brings out a table, and sets it up. Just as he is picking up Omega, Eminem blares over the speakers. A very bandaged up CoolmanP comes running to ringside and low blows RTG.


Then, he motions for Hyper Sonic to come over to the ropes. CoolmanP lays RTG on the table, and he tells them to do something. They both look at each other, nod, and then do a double senton bomb onto Ramirez, and RTG goes through the table. CoolmanP and Hyper Sonic help Omega back into the ring, and CP starts beating up on Ramirez at ringside

Omega is standing in the ring watching Coolman P beat on Ramirez. He looks mad as hell as he climbs back out of the ring and grabs a chair. Omega walks up behind Ramirez as he's about to choke slam Coolman onto the announcers' table. Omega taps Ramirez on the shoulder, and when he turns around Omega breaks the steel chair over his head with one shot! Omega then kicks Ramirez in the balls and picks him up for a vertical suplex. Instead of hitting the suplex, Omega steps up onto the announcers' table while holding Ramirez inverted, then lands a brainbuster right through the table! Omega stands over Ramirez's limp form and says one word, "Ouch."

The wrestlers in the ring are staring in shock at the carnage. Lugg Nutt sneaks up behind Gomez and Kamikaze and hits them with a double low blow, then a double choke slam out of the ring. Beast nails him with a kick and they start fighting. Hyper Sonic are getting up with Gradee's help. Omega tosses two chairs and a table into the ring, then climbs in. He sets up the table and sets a chair up on either side of it. Omega sits in one chair and motions Brimstone to the other, then puts his arm up on the table. Brimstone grins and sits down, then starts arm wrestling Omega.


As Brimstone & Omega arm wrestle. Brimstone signals to stop for a second, he gets up, folds his chair up and then walks to the ropes, reaching over and knocking RTG on the top of the head with the chair, over and over until RTG is 7'4" again and out cold! Brimstone straightens out his chair and folds it back out and resumes his arm wrestling with Omega.


All wrestlers are in the ring, taking a short break.Omega and Brimstone are still arm-wrestling, and Kamikaze and Gomez are talking to eachother.The nod, and start circling to GraDee, and Lugg, who are standing fairly close, hands on their knees, beathing heavily.

Hyper Sonic gives a yell, as Gomez jumps towards Lugg, and hits him with a flying kick,Kamikaze lands a drop-kick on GraDee, and the move sends GraDee flying out of the ring, he hits a barricade, and is knocked out.

Gomez is tangling with Lugg, hitting him with punches, and kicks, eventually climbing the ropes, and diving off with a crescent kick to Lugg's face.

Lugg falls backwards out of the ring, hits his head, and starts walking around the ring, whenever he tries to get back into the ring, Hyper Sonic knocks him back out


Brimstone is just winning the arm wrestling match, but Omega pulls his arm back up! Lugg walks over and tries to seperate them, but Brimstone just grabs his shirt and throws him over his head and out of the ring. Lugg Nutt isnt too happy about this and steals the table. He seems to have gone a bit mad as he runs around the ring holding up the table shouting 'i got it i goooot it!'. Brimstone and Omega just look at him wondering what in the hell he thinks he's doing, when Brimstone turns to Omega and says 'I would have beaten ya'.

They both grin and trap Lugg Nutt near the announcers table. Lugg gets his old mind back and realises just how deep shit he is in. Double-choke slam through the table by Brimstone and Omega on Lugg Nutt. They can't find anything to do now so they shrug their shoulders, get in the ring and clean house. Beast is knocked out first, but gets straight back up again, Hyper Sonic both get knocked out by Omega but both land on their feet, and decide to have a quick rest. GraDee lands on the re-entering Beast after being Gorilla Press slammed by Brimstone. Brimstone and Omega are the only ones still in the ring. They turn to face each other and grin and get ready for the third time in SXW history for them to face off.

Beast and Lugg Nutt are fighting outside the ring, hardcore style. Hyper Sonic and Gradee climb back into the ring, but keep plenty of distance between themselves and Brimstone and Omega. The two superheavyweights are going at it just like they did the last two times, and nobody's crazy (or dumb) enough to butt in.

Gomez and Kamikaze try a double dropkick on Gradee but he ducks it, then lands a running Senton across both men. All three of them start rolling around on the mat as they land and reverse crossface holds, arm bars, and other holds. After a minute of this Hyper Sonic get back to their feet and toss Gradee out of the ring with a double gorilla press slam.

The camera quickly cuts to a view of the loading dock, as a large bakery truck pulls up to the doors.

Meanwhile, Beast and Lugg Nutt have made their way up the entrance ramp and are trying to put each other through the Xtreme-tron screen. Fortunately, Edwin is much to cheap to keep replacing a big-screen TV, so he had the screen covered with Plexiglass. After both men bounce off it a couple times they give up on that and start a chair duel.

Omega and Brimstone are still going at it. Gradee is on a turnbuckle holding a chair as he waits for Lugg Nutt to get within range. Kamikaze and Gomez are resting for a minute, and Beast and Lugg Nutt have reached the ring apron.

As Gradee jumps off and nails Lugg Nutt with the chair, a group of deliverymen walk in pushing bakery carts. One of them yells out, "Hey, who ordered five hundred assorted pies?"

Kamikaze and Gomez grin and wave them to the ring. They set up a cart in each corner, then each one picks up a custard pie. Kamikaze aims at Brimstone while Gomez aims at Omega. Just as they let fly they both yell:

"Pie fight!"

GraDee gets up and shakes his head, then oles back into the ring. Brimstone and Omega are still the only two in there and are fighting away. GraDee tries to double clothesline each of them. The both stop and look at GraDee without twiching from the blow. All of a sudden Eric appears from behind the two and clobers each with a steel chair knoking both to the ground.

GraDee shouts at Eric: "Get out of here, this isn't your buisness!"

Eric leaves but when he thinks nobody is looking GraDee nods a "thanks" at Eric. Brimestone begins to get up but Omega is out of it. Brimestone and GraDee decide to help each other eliminate Omega dn they throw him to the outside successfully. GraDee fins some cable under the ring to ties Omega to the barracades to make sure he can't get back in. They both enter the ring againa nd Brimestone ahs the upper hand as he hammers GraDee with lefts and rights...


By now some the others were trying to re-enter the ring but GraDee and Brimestone had confiscated a few pies to hold them off but it wasn't holding. The guys on the outside were gaining the upper hand....


Omega and Brimstone both catch a pie in the face. Gomez and Kamikaze grin and roll out of the ring to 'reload'. Omega and Brimstone are hot on their heels.

On the ramp Lugg Nutt and Beast both have chair and are bouncing GraDee between them like a ping pong ball. Finally a double chair shot sends GraDee sailing through the air, landing on top of the truck. Lugg Nutt start to laugh but is cut off by a chairshot from Beast that sends him onto the truck as well.

Beast shouts 'Bonzi!!!!' and leaps off the stage onto both Lugg Nutt and GraDee. All three men fall through the roof of the truck into some of the shipment of pies.

All three stagger out, completly covered in pie filling. The rest of the wrestlers laughing like hyenias.

Beast jumps into the ring and shouts "Buddies!" Giving Omega and Brimstone a big gooey hug.

Meanwhile Gomez and Kamikaze are the only ones who havent gotten covered in pie....

Brimstone has custard all over his face but is laughing. He wanders over to the bakers and gets a long french stick of bread from them. He gets back into the ring and swings it at Kamikaze. Kamikaze ducks quickly and the end of the stick goes straight into Lugg's mouth. Lugg is actually choking on it its gone right into his throat (i know what u guys are all thinking :P).

Brimstone is laughing his ass off and Beast comes along and takes the french stick form him. Using it as a lever, he flips Lugg up and then swings him away and into the crowd! Omega has gone to get more pies, but is eating them instead of throwing them, Kami and Gomez have gone to reload *again* - GraDee is now covered in pie and custard. Kami and Gomez get a pie each, then they see Omega. The look at each other, they look at Omega. They hit the 'con-pie-to' and custard goes EVERYWHERE.


Know Your Role by Jimmy J. hits, and the Rock walks out onto the ramp with a mic.

He stops by one of the tables with assorted pies and gets a big smile on his face.

"The Rock says, there are many kinds of pies... there is... apple pie, cherry pie... custard pie..."

Rock gets interuppted by Omega on a microphone.

Omega- "Hey Rock! You like pies?"

The Rock looks a bit surprised. "The Rock says, what in the name of the green earth have I been saying these last few minutes? When Rocky says he likes pie, he wants everyone in the building to know it! But to answer your question, yes, the Rock likes pies."

Kamikaze and Gomez give each other a look and signal the rest of the wrestlers. While the Rock is talking obliviously, rambling on and on about pies, the seven in-ring wrestler arm themselves.

Gomez- "Rocky, know your role and open your mouth!"

The Rock gets a weird look and raises an eyebrow. "The Rock says, if yer gonna use one of the Rock's catch phrases at least get it right, Jabroni."

The Rock loses all composure as he suddenly gets pelted with pies. When he is covered in pies, the wrestlers all leave the ring and chase the Rock down and beat him into submission. As they carry him to the entranceway, the Rock starts babbling about being the people's champion. As he starts, the crowd begins to chant "Rocky Sucks!"

They all toss him out and the janitor begins playing hacky-sack with the 'People's Face'.
Lugg Nutt- "If he ever comes back, let's job him out... who can beat this guy easily?"

Brimstone grins. "How about Gigolo George? No wait, that'd be too much of a squash. Maybe old Fitzy can take him on."

They all return to the ring area, wondering why low-carders from crappy federation like rushing the SXW ring so much.

Gomez and Kamikaze are staring at the whole mess that has been created, and decide it is time for some entertainment.

They ask for a microphone, and start killing a cat, uh I mean, start singing a horrible version of I will survive.

All competitors start holding their ears, and all run out of the ring, and leave, Kamikaze and Gomez laugh, like the whole thing was planned, but for some reason, they don't stop singing


Kamikaze and Gomez : Oh, no, I WILL SURVIVE, and you know....


Finally Edwin Fitzgerald walks out with a microphone and says

Edwin - " OK, OK we've heard and seen enough, the time limit has expired ! "

* * * The Bell Rings * * *